Creased or Folded? hecklerspray Tells You the Way it is
Filed in in Features

Zutons_creased_folded Assault on Precinct 13 has a great soundtrack (folded). Assault on Precinct 13 - the remake, doesn’t (creased).

Still a fun movie though.



  • Hustle on BBC1 (even when they occasionally turn the ear-screeching music down, it still sucks ass)
  • Morrisons (the future’s not good. They’ll need more than meat pies to cut it down south)
  • Getting Freeview with an indoor aerial (it really doesn’t work)
  • Road to Guantanamo (programmes for schools at prime time. Now heading for the U.S.)
  • eBay feedback system (this tit-for-tat thing has got to be sorted)

Rubbish Cars We Love: TVR Tasmin – Sleeping Satellite
Filed in in Features

Tvr_tasmin_rubbish_cars Before the Russians came the Tasmin. Cut like stone and built like paper, it did one thing very well…

Go Very Fast:

Not more than a cult overseas (as yet), the TVR name will forever hold a special place in islander’s hearts.

It’s likely to say this is not down to the quality of the cars themselves – apparently more debatable than a BMW Mini Clubman - but more of a semblance thing. You take a risk with a TVR, and we like risks over here at hecklerspray. We like noise too - and TVR’s do that even better than breaking down.

Eva Longoria: Ob-Seen From Space

Eva_longoria_maxim_magazine_space Space: The last vestige of manhood. We imagine cosmonauts and the like to spend their days eating giant bowls of nachos, unabashedly beefing in enclosed spaces, and crotch scratching to their heart's content. 

That big black vacuum is every astronaut's proverbial fortress of solitude. While out there, no one can tell him to take out the garbage. No one can tell him to change the channel to Gilmore Girls real quick, or ask them if they think they look more or less hefty in that purple striped dress with the dumb silky lace sleeves. Hello! You've had that thing since high school! 

Back on topic, it is only up there, from the celestial cosmos, that spacemen can fully appreciate the super-sized magazine cover peep show Eva Longoria is putting on for astronaut eyes only. And for the eyes of anyone in a passing aeroplane. And anyone generally considered very tall.

Pete Doherty ‘As Good As John Lennon’
Filed in in Music

Pete_doherty_kate_moss_rehab_5 Pasty-faced waste of flesh Pete Doherty has mounted the lunacy highway afresh after comparing himself to jovial dead Beatle John Lennon.

Speaking to a group of reporters after a show at an Austrian Porn Club – my, a porn club, that’s so unconventional and daring that hecklerspray fears our heads may explode – Pete Doherty took time out from his musically-illiterate schedule to announce the comparison. He babbled:

"The new Lennon — I like that. Honestly, I am the most important rock star now."

It's All Change Round Here
Filed in in About Us & Press

Test_card We've got some bad news and some good news for you. The bad news is that there won't be as many knicker-soakingly pithy news stories about people off the telly for you today. The good news is that we're going down the boozer!

If only that were true - there's nothing we like more than sitting around in a pub on a weekday afternoon with lonely old widowers and professional alcoholics. In fact, hecklerspray is leaping from Typepad to Wordpress as we speak, and we're all going to be covered in wires while we sort it out.

The brilliant new Wordpress-powered hecklerspray will be with you on Monday. And we're all so excited that we've literally just shat.

To keep you ticking over, though, here's a game about shooting a puppy with a gun. See you on Monday.

Disturbing Friday Fun: Stuff On My Cat
Filed in in Features

Stuff_on_my_cat Friday is here.

That means – as ever – it’s time for hecklerspray to provide with a slightly disturbing web link for you to click on, scratch your head in bewilderment and either a) pretend the whole thing never happened or b) sneak away to the toilets for a bit of a cry.

This week we dare you to enter the world of Stuff On My Cat.

Quite why Stuff On My Cat exists remains a goshdarn mystery to us. It’s baffling, pointless, needlessly time-consuming and probably a little bit cruel.

Yet the fact remains – is the sight of a rudimentary Cyber-cat covered in Lego the most guiltily amusing thing you’ll see all day? Damn right it is. As the site makers say: Stuff + Cats = Awesome.


Read More:

Stuff On My Cat

British Soap Awards Sexiest Male Betting Odds: Fleeshman, Fountain, Harman
Filed in in TV Betting

***Get a free £10 bet with PaddyPower***

British_soap_awards_betting_odds_sexiest_1 It's time for our final look at the contenders for the Sexiest Male prize at next month's British Soap Awards, and because it's our final look, we've got something special for you.

Because, let's face it, the 12 men we've looked at so far this week are about as sexy as a giant stack of envelopes with chest hair. They don't stand a chance of winning the British Soap Awards Sexiest male awards, and they know it. Instead, they have been forced to kneel and admit the luminous sexiness of these three contenders - the three contenders with the shortest Sexiest Male betting odds.

So here are the British Soap Awards Sexiest Male betting odds for Richard Fleeshman, Chris Fountain and Nigel Harman, with help from PaddyPower...

Brad Pitt And Angelina Jolie Split?

Brad_pitt_angelina_jolied_married_adopti_3 Now, we're intelligent people - we know that anything written in tabloid magazines should be taken with a pinch of sal... Holy crap! It says here in NW magazine that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have split up!

Could this be true? Has Brad Pitt walked out on Angelina Jolie mere weeks before their baby is born? Is Brad Pitt going to leave Angelina Jolie to raise their baby single-handedly? Will Jennifer Aniston maintain her vow of silence now that she knows things are rocky between Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie? How many more times can we mention Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie in this paragraph? And, more importantly, does anyone actually care about any of this stuff?

Paris Hilton Still Not Pals With Nicole Richie

Paris_hilton_album_three_6_mafia1 There's a new series of The Simple Life on the way, right? That means that Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie have put their feuding behind them, right? Not a chance - Paris has been busy publicly dissing Nicole.

Paris Hilton has said in a magazine interview that Nicole Richie is "pathetic" and "jealous". Of course, we realise that there's every chance that this is all one big stunt orchestrated by Paris Hilton designed to get people watching the new series of The Simple Life. But, hey, you take what you can get, right?

Nicolas Cage And 50 Cent To Do A Little Dance, Make A Little Love
Filed in in Film

Nicolas_cage When Nicolas Cage makes a film, you're never sure if you'll get the intelligent, quirky, Nicolas Cage or the rubbish action film Nicolas Cage. 50 Cent, on the other hand, has only ever made crap films.

So the news that Nicolas Cage and 50 Cent are teaming up to star in a film together called The Dance has left us unsure of whether the movie will be 50% arse or 100% arse. For simplicity's sake, let's just say The Dance will be 75% arse and be done with it.

Tom Cruise Beaten Up By Father, Schoolmates
Filed in in Film

Tom_cruise_katie_holmes_birthday_1 When Tom Cruise promotes a movie, the world sits up and takes notice. And then scratches its head before laughing hysterically. But Tom Cruise has shown that it's not all fun and games and silent births.

Perhaps knowing that every move from his tiny megalomaniac body prompts a round of amused bewilderment, Tom Cruise has changed strategy for the promotion of Mission: Impossible III by discussing something that nobody in their right mind would mock - Tom Cruise has revealed that he had an abusive father and was bullied by his schoolmates.

Well, it worked for Teri Hatcher.

Eminem And Wife Divorcing Already
Filed in in Music

Eminem_kim_married_2 hecklerspray is 1/4 gypsy. Our grandmother on our maternal side was never seen without a colourful pirate-like neckerchief on her scalp and a solitary giant hoop earring hanging down one side of her head or the other.

The reason we bring this up is because we've obviously inherited some of her gypsy powers - more specifically, asking strangers for bites of their sandwich and fortune telling. There are a couple predictions we've made that haven't happened yet, like: Katie Holmes will push for a Dawson's Creek reunion once her and Cruise split, and Bin Laden's going to surprise everyone in 2013 by declaring himself the very personification of Hare Krishna, whatever that means.

One of our prediction, though, has already come true. Eminem is filing for divorce from his ex-ex-wife Kim, making her his soon to be ex-ex-ex wife. Eminem and Kim were married for three months. Love is so confusing.

Filed in in Games

Swing Swing is the most brain-dribbling simple game we think we've ever had as a Slackerjack. All you have to do in Swing is swing from a rope and see how far you can get. That's it: two mouse clicks and Swing is over.

But you'll be playing Swing for hours. The Swing leaderboard says that some players can swing for 414 metres. Then why can't we get any further than 400? Tell us, damnit! Three hours of Swing has left us with nothing more than a slightly dizzy feeling and zero self-esteem. Thanks a lot, Swing.

Play Swing now

JK Rowling Throws A Strop At Skinny Models

Jk_rowling_harry_potter_skiiny_models One of the best things about selling millions of books is that you can use your newly-gained power to amplify any ambient thoughts floating through your head. Like JK Rowling moaning about models.

JK Rowling - creator of the Harry Potter franchise and single richest human being that has ever lived - has taken time out from sitting around in her ruby-encrusted mansion trying to think up the most disgusting way to kill Harry Potter to slag off skinny models in a weird, long rant on her website.

British Soap Awards Sexiest Male Betting Odds: Walsh, Ward, Beckett
Filed in in TV Betting

***Get a free £10 bet with PaddyPower***

British_soap_awards_sexiest_male_betting_1 Time for our fourth instalment of British Soap Awards Sexiest Male betting odds: who's hot, who's not, who's snot and who's scattershot. Or, you know, something like that.

The British Soap Awards are still about a month away, but think of the benefits of betting on the results now. Not only will you be getting the best odds, but when all your friends are betting on the British Soap Awards in three week, you can be all "Cuh! Haven't you even done that yet?"

Here are the British Soap Awards Sexiest Male betting odds for Bradley Walsh, Bill Ward and Joel Beckett, with help from