Oasis are reportedly furious that their new single has been leaked online.

If they had functioning ears, they'd have been more angry about releasing such a lot of tripe.

Pop Star Britney Spears has once again got stroppy at American tabloids for pestering her in the press.

Britney most recently got all flustered with US weekly for publishing intimate honeymoon photos of her and Kevin Federline eating breakfast on the beach. Breakfast? How dare they?

Now, the “Toxic” star has posted a message on her website for Star, US Weekly and In Touch Magazine because they bang on about her weight gain and the possible link to patter of tiny feet. Hell hath no fury like a woman accused of being slightly fatter than she is...

The BBC production of Dr. Who has already seen it's main star Christopher Eccleston resign from the prospect of a second series.  This comes only after the first episode has been broadcast and raises the question of the longevity of the series.  How many Doctors can they really go through?

Here at hecklerspray, we don't have a motto. But if we did, it'd be "Your heroes always let you down". Well, either that or "That rash won't clear up if you keep touching it", although that one's a bit less relevant.

Anyway, heroes letting you down. Where to start? Johnny Rotten mincing about in the woods? David Bowie's career since 1980? Pele doing those erectile dysfunction adverts?
 

Hecklerspray is busy sharpening knives today, after it was revealed that stuttering Pop Idol loser Gareth Gates is planning a comeback.

General consensus concluded that he would never make another note of music ever again, after his appallingly received double album Go Your Own Way in 2003.

What such a youngster is doing making a double album, we don't know, although the song titles were eeriely prophetic. Foolish, Say It Isn't So, Too Soon To Say Goodbye, Enough Of Me. Clearly, he knew he was for the dustbin.

Peter O'Toole is mental.

He was in last summer's sandals and swordfighting movie Troy. And like most of us, he thought it was a lot of arse. Why? Here's Peter to explain...

"I call it Trovis. After watching 50 minutes I found myself in despair, and suddenly that Hovis advert came into my mind over Brad Pitt's face."

Talking to the Radio Times, he added "I got the chuckles and had to leave."

Hovis?                                                        

WHAT?

Did he watch some special extended directors cut where Brad Pitt had to push a bike up a big hill before he stabbed a man in the shoulder?

Or was O'Toole talking about the new Hovis adverts? Perhaps there was a long deleted scene where Orlando Bloom and Eric Bana sat on a sofa arguing about whether white or brown bread was better, in ridiculous northern accents.

Either way, they'd have have both improved the movie a million percent.

Peter O'Toole - we salute you! You barmy old loon.

It's fair to say McDonalds is in trouble. Last year alone, it's profits in Britain dropped by almost 75%, probably helped by the release of Super Size Me, telling the story of an odd man who liked to scare doctors by eating McDonalds all the time.

And Eric Schlosser's Fast Food Nation - a book even more terrifying than seeing Pat Butcher naked - has been quietly rocking the "have you read that?" circuit for years.

The burger chain has since been responding in increasing desperate ways ever since. And how does hecklerspray feel about this? Well, needless to say - we're lovin' it.

Anyone with any degree of respect or appreciation of the Man In Black and his catalogue of work may want to look away now ... and never look back.

Ring Of Fire, a Broadway-bound musical that 'will include around 40 Cash tunes' is now officially at the casting stage.

That's right. No-one has stopped it. Not one person stepped in and said 'Hold on a second. Wouldn't a musical - the lowest form of art on the planet, no less - about Cash be ever so slightly tacky and detrimental to both the man and the myth alike?'

Oh, no. Sorry, folks ... looks like Mr Sanity skipped a meeting.

Okay, okay, so that headline was a dirty trick - a sneaky little attention-grabber to draw you in. hecklerspray just thought that it was such a beautiful image, maybe the world would be a better place if it was briefly thrown out there ...

What has actually happened is that over-rated bilgemeister M. Night Shyamalan - he who directed cinematic non-events such as Unbreakable, The Village and the truly abysmal Signs - has quit his movie-making deal with Disney after the intervention of that time-honoured standby clause: 'creative differences'.

Honking sack of nothing Russell Crowe likes to follow his own path in life. Sadly, that is the path marked "Pissing Off Every Single Person You've Ever Met Avenue".

A quick rundown on his background shows fights with award ceremony producers, fights in bars, fights with minders and - hecklerspray's favourite - a fight in a restaurant in 2002 that was so ferocious it took Grant Mitchell to break it up.

Basically, he'd fight a hatstand if it looked at him funny.

But lately, it seems that he's become aware that this foolishness is putting a big dent in his karma. That's why he's trying to turn his life around, by doing only good things to help the good people of Earth.

And nothing will help us more than the reported news this week that his dreadful band are splitting up.