Sylvester Stallone is going to star in Rambo 4.

hecklerspray can't help sensing that the next big movie trend is going to be really old actors doing rubbish sequels of action films that made them famous 20 years ago. Earlier today, we reported that Indiana Jones 4 has almost been greenlighted, and there have been murmurs about Bruce Willis (DVDs) and Justin Timberlake (CDs) teaming up in a new Die Hard film.

Now we are going to be subjected to the sight of rickety old Stallone (DVDs) creaking round a jungle with a pair of support stocking tied around his head.

HBO, home of Sex And The City (DVDs) and The Sopranos (DVDs), has bought the rights to the most shocking of all British television shows, Postman Pat.

No, not a new live-action version of Postman Pat starring Vin Diesel as a drunken, violent, misogynist Postman Pat with Tourettes syndrome. The real Postman Pat. They're showing the animated programme you watched when you were little.

It's not quite the ropey, 24 year-old Postman Pat that HBO will broadcast. It's the new series, as shown on British television last year. And it won't be shown on the grown-up version of HBO, but HBO Family. From the autumn, it will be broadcast in English and Spanish to 35 million households.

What American kids will make of Postman Pat remains to be seen. They're used to shows called things like TV's Noisiest Car Wreckages, so a sedate problem-haired postman going about his daily business might prove to be a turn-off for them. On the other hand, he might become the new Teletubbies.

Lets hope the success doesn't go to his head. Nobody wants to see Postman Pat end up in rehab.

Janice Dickinson (Books), the surgically-enhanced super diva from America’s Next Top Model, has left the show. 

Although she is beautiful for her age, her contempt and judgement on all models usually makes one throw up a little bit in the back of the throat.  Yeah, you know how it is! The show is really not so bad, honestly, just when former Stallone woman Janice opens her mouth and says something ridiculous like: “Oh, she’s so heroine chic”.

Her harsh comments usually made one want to jump into the television screen and give her a slap.  Her evil feedback is reminiscent of a wannabe bad girl, or a wannabe Simon Cowell at the very least.

Whoever said the Brits are a nation of moaners has definitely got our number. Always one for a whinge (though inevitably out of earshot of the intended victim), us islanders would grumble if we won a million quid on the lottery - ‘Collect the money myself? Are you mad?!’

It comes then as no surprise that the Midsomer Murders style inhabitants of London’s Highgate suburb are having a good old moan about the Hollywood film crew that’s just taken up residence on the front lawn.

Basic Instinct 2: Risk Addiction sees the unwanted return of Sharon Stone (DVDs) as fuzz box flashing (so 90’s, darling) enchantress Catherine Tramell. She’s upped and relocated to the UK for more sticky shenanigans, thus taking the entire sequel’s production crew with her.

"This has caused mayhem.” raged Highgate shopkeeper Robert Sinfield.

Paris Hilton (Books) has got engaged to her Greek shipping millionaire boyfriend Paris Latsis.

According to reports, the pair announced their plans to marry at a private barbeque for friends at Hilton's Beverly Hills mansion, and then they all danced to Gwen Stephani records. Lovely.

Paris Hilton, famous for having sex all over the internet, said of her fiance, "I feel like we are meant to be and I'm happy to have found someone to spend the rest of my life with" in an interview with US Weekly magazine.

Apparently, Latsis proposed as Hilton returned from a European promotional trip for her film House Of Wax, all about a bunch of teenagers being scared by some wax. He has chosen a selection of engagement rings for his bride-to-be to pick from, all probably covered with diamonds the size of J-Lo's bum.

Will the marriage beat Nicky Hilton's three months? Where will the wedding be held? What on earth would you buy the super-rich couple for a wedding present? Will we now have to endure a rubbish reality TV show about Paris and Paris?

We'll answer these questions as soon as we can.

Oliver Stone (DVDs), responsible for classics like Platoon and Natural Born Killers, has been arrested for driving drunk on Sunset Boulevard, in possession of illegal drugs.

The 58 year old, was pulled over by Sgt. John Edmundson on Friday night for showing signs of alcohol intoxication.  The policeman’s search resulted in finding the undisclosed illegal substances.

Rumours are circling like special gossip-vultures that - assuming he makes it out of this little matter of a criminal trial intact - plastic-faced music man Michael Jackson (CDs) is all set to become a star attraction in sleazy old Las Vegas.

According to a report on U.S show Celebrity Justice (great title), Jackson has been in several talks with 'Nevada Showman' Steve Wynn about a possible regular tourist-pleasing guest slot.

Word has it that Jacko is a huge fan of the big old gamblin' city, and that - providing he doesn't get thrown into the slammer and treated to  some 'interesting' attention by his new cellmate buddies - he would be more than happy to step into the coin-wasting vicinity and belt out a few hits.

hecklerspray hopes that - if this does all go ahead - Mad Mikey follows in the footsteps of previous Vegas superstar Elvis Presley (CDs) and follows a weight-gaining 'cheeseburger-only' diet. Let's face it - who wouldn't pay to see a fat man moonwalking?

Oh, and someone let us know how the Jacko trial turns out, won't you? Makosi's just been told of her 'secret' Big Brother mission and - to be quite frank - we'd much rather be watching that for twenty-four hours straight...

Well, technically speaking, that is. After what seems like an eternity, and more slithery rumours than you can shake an bullwhip at, it appears that - finally - Indiana Jones 4 is going to be made.

According to Variety, screenwriter Jeff Nathanson’s draft for the World Most Famous Archaeologist™ has been approved by both creator George Lucas (DVDs) and his partner-in-crime Steven Spielberg (DVDs). Nathanson, who is also working on Rush Hour 3, was brought onboard by Spielberg himself, who was highly impressed with his efforts on flicks such as Catch Me If You Can and The Terminal.

Bob Geldof will today unveil the line-up for the Live 8 concerts to be held in Hyde Park on July 2. Twenty years after his Live Aid concerts (DVDs) raised awareness of African famine and dirty Irish men swearing, and despite promises that there would never be another concert, Geldof has changed his mind.

It's been reported that the Spice Girls will not be reforming for the concert, despite earlier rumours. This is either a good thing or a bad thing, depending on if you enjoy watching five old hasbeens caterwauling in unsuitable clothes or not.

We’d like to think that Justin Timberlake (CDs) took a break from dancing around like a fidgety man who needs the toilet to let out a big “Aw, mom!” when he heard about this wheezer.

Only marginally less embarrassing than your mum marching down the school to have a word about ‘that nasty girl’ who always steals your lunch money, Timbers’ mother is going to write a book about his life instead.

Lynn Harless (what, you thought her surname would be Timberlake?) has got proper upset over the mean things said about her son and has decided to get his public image sorted once and for all.

"It will set the record straight. It hurts to read so many lies about him." Lynn commented.