Christian Slater Now Advertising Toilet Gel

Bog Pity the poor lot of the journalist - having to grapple with a news story until they can mould a suitably attention-grabbing, off-the-wall headline for it. It's a tough job, true, but occasionally something comes along that merely needs putting into simple terms.

Just like that little baby.

Yes, it's true. 'Troubled' Hollywood type Christian Slater (DVDs) - once the star of Heathers, possibly the funniest dark comedy ever made - has signed up to advertise toilet gel.

The strangest thing? He isn't even lending his face to the role - unlike penniless wig-wearer Burt Reynolds (DVDs) and his starring 'turn' in that arse-clenchingly embarrassing optician campaign. No, no ... far from it. Slater is to be on vocal duties alone, having been hired to - we jest you not - "voice a dirty germ."

More soul-destroying for poor old Christian is the reason behind this casting. A Domestos marketing chap explained: "We've hired Christian because we wanted to try and bring the germs to life in the advert, he's perfect because he's got this husky, slightly dark voice. And of course, there's a slightly dark side to him."

In other words: "Hey, Christian! We know your career may be in tatters - Christ, just look at Churchill: The Hollywood Years - but we think you're just spot-on to play the part of a toilet-dwelling single-celled lifeform."

It can't exactly do wonders for one's self-esteem, can it? And doesn't Christy-boy merit better than this? He's no Olivier, sure, but give him the right sort of Very Bad Things OTT malarkey and he's competent enough. hecklerspray can think of far more deserving 'actors' who'd be more at home flogging shit-removal gel than striding powerfully across the Silver Screen.

Next up: Renee Zellweger (DVDs) is all set to launch the new Toilet Duck campaign. Only kidding... but it's not too hard to imagine, is it? She's certainly got the right Platypus-shaped head anyway.

Your plane awaits, madam.

[story by C J Davies]


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